The Hardest Thing On Earth

I have a quote by Katharine Mansfield up on my wall above my computer desk where I write all this stuff. It goes like this …

‘Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.’

It’s a pretty wild quote don’t you think?

Every time I get freaked out about this whole Wunder-Lusters thing,(and believe me it happens a lot, sometimes they’re small freak-outs and sometimes they’re, not) I read that line I’ve used as the title of this post.

You wanna know what the hardest thing for me is? What the hardest thing has been for me for my whole goddamn life? Doing the hardest thing.

I’m good at a whole lot of things. For a high-school dropout I’ve managed to build an impressive skill-set. I can draw you up a set of houseplans, I make a mean spaghetti bolognaise sauce, I’m a pretty damn good writer. I can fix just about anything with a piece of coathanger wire, duct tape and a crochet hook. I can talk knowledgeably on a list of things from A to Z, and a just as many things I know nothing about, like … hmm, there’s a whole list of ’em but that’s not my point.

My point is that of all those things I’m good at not one has ever risen above the level of ‘really good’. Well, some of ’em have got as high as ‘really, really good’, but nothing has ever … shone, bright enough to qualify for having accomplished that ‘hardest thing’.

I have no idea where Wunder-Lusters is going to take me, us, or how we’re going to pay for it, or what I’m going to become, but I do know this, I’m going deaf, I wear three strengths of glasses, (for different things, not all at once) I’m down to half a working knee, and arthritis is starting to kick in everywhere else. Sometimes the future scares me so much I can hardly breathe.

I’m 61 years old, it’s time to do the hardest things.