One of our favourite pieces of music at the moment is on Brett Lenahan’s YouTube Channel, called ‘The Lord Of The Rings: The Grey Havens Ambience & Music‘. Truth be told it’s been a favourite for a while now, ever since I discovered his channel some time around the middle of last year.
The Grey Havens is a sea-port on the furthest edge of Middle Earth. From there the Elves, when it is their time to leave the mortal realms and go home, take ship across the sea to the Undying lands.
It was from there that, after all their adventures, both Frodo and Bilbo Baggins, (and eventually Sam Gamgee as well – for he was a Ring-Bearer – albeit for a short while, and the magic had claimed him too) left Hobbiton behind them forever. (but not in our hearts, for there they still dwell, enjoying second breakfasts, good company, and a warm hearth)
This morning, for no concrete reason, I was feeling, ‘whelmed’. (somewhere between feeling less-than-OK and completely overwhelmed) Nothing in particular was stressing me. Which, when I think about it, is a ridiculous statement given the world around us.
Mrs Widds and I relocated the last of our supply of dry pulses and grains from their glass jars into 1-cup-sized amounts in reusable plastic bags to go into the trailer. It was a comfortable companionable activity on a rainy afternoon. We chatted about this and that, and when it was done we treated ourselves to a celebratory pot of chai tea while we read and puttered around the house with the above mentioned piece of music streaming from my computer.
There’s a lovely image, a still from the third movie in the trilogy, that goes with it and I had it displayed on my wonderful wizz-bang monitor.
I paused in my pootling and sat with the image and what it represented (in the context of the movie – going home) and I felt a wave of tears rise and overflow.
What we were doing earlier in the day, and indeed all that we’re doing now, preparing for our big adventure, feels like we’re going home.
I’ve never had a ‘home’, to go to, as such. The kind that families in the movies return to at odd times of the year, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. So the whole ‘going home’, thing never resonated with me.
I think the nature of my epiph caught me by surprise more than anything else.
I had a bit more of a cry and we had hugs, then went back to our ‘corners’.
Now, when I start to get stress about the enormity of what we’re doing, and what’s required to even get out our front door here on Widder Island, I let that ‘going home’, feeling drift through my mind, my heart, my Spirit, and my stress dissipates. Not completely, of course, that would require that I lie to myself, and I’m not very good at that.
P.S. Does anyone else get a cracker of a headache after they have a deep epiph-inspired cry, or is it just me?