One of our favourite pieces of music at the moment is on Brett Lenahan’s YouTube Channel, called ‘The Lord Of The Rings: The Grey Havens Ambience & Music‘. Truth be told it’s been a favourite for a while now, ever since I discovered his channel some time around the middle of last year.
The Grey Havens is a sea-port on the furthest edge of Middle Earth. From there the Elves, when it is their time to leave the mortal realms and go home, take ship across the sea to the Undying lands.
It was from there that, after all their adventures, both Frodo and Bilbo Baggins, (and eventually Sam Gamgee as well – for he was a Ring-Bearer – albeit for a short while, and the magic had claimed him too) left Hobbiton behind them forever. (but not in our hearts, for there they still dwell, enjoying second breakfasts, good company, and a warm hearth)
This morning, for no concrete reason, I was feeling, ‘whelmed’. (somewhere between feeling less-than-OK and completely overwhelmed) Nothing in particular was stressing me. Which, when I think about it, is a ridiculous statement given the world around us.
Mrs Widds and I relocated the last of our supply of dry pulses and grains from their glass jars into 1-cup-sized amounts in reusable plastic bags to go into the trailer. It was a comfortable companionable activity on a rainy afternoon. We chatted about this and that, and when it was done we treated ourselves to a celebratory pot of chai tea while we read and puttered around the house with the above mentioned piece of music streaming from my computer.
There’s a lovely image, a still from the third movie in the trilogy, that goes with it and I had it displayed on my wonderful wizz-bang monitor.
I paused in my pootling and sat with the image and what it represented (in the context of the movie – going home) and I felt a wave of tears rise and overflow.
I epiphed.
What we were doing earlier in the day, and indeed all that we’re doing now, preparing for our big adventure, feels like we’re going home.
I’ve never had a ‘home’, to go to, as such. The kind that families in the movies return to at odd times of the year, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. So the whole ‘going home’, thing never resonated with me.
I think the nature of my epiph caught me by surprise more than anything else.
I had a bit more of a cry and we had hugs, then went back to our ‘corners’.
Now, when I start to get stress about the enormity of what we’re doing, and what’s required to even get out our front door here on Widder Island, I let that ‘going home’, feeling drift through my mind, my heart, my Spirit, and my stress dissipates. Not completely, of course, that would require that I lie to myself, and I’m not very good at that.
-oOo-
P.S. Does anyone else get a cracker of a headache after they have a deep epiph-inspired cry, or is it just me?
Widdershins Worlds 
Not me – but I admire your spirit
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Thanks 😀 … we had a good day today. Got our income taxes done, and it only took us the entire afternoon! 😀
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At times like these, you should think of all the people who will be envious of your proposed adventure. and I lead this flock! When I think of leaving my life behind, heading for new pastures, it makes me cry too…
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You are THE BEST flock leader ever! 😀
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My home is on the road, wandering, and I feel confined when kept in the one place too long – and then there’s the fear that someone from the past may find me!
Home, to me, is the dusty horizon … over the hill, down the gully, out there in the beyond.
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Hills, gullys, and beyond’ … I like that. 😀
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Home is in your heart with the one you love. This music is making me cry but in a good way. Cathartic. I may not get headaches after a good cry but I do feel drained, exhausted. And then somehow lighter.
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Exactamundo. 😀
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You say: ‘Nothing in particular was stressing me. Which, when I think about it, is a ridiculous statement given the world around us.’
Do you think, maybe that sometimes we pick up on the wider vibes out in the ether?
It is indeed a magical world in which we live, despite everything we are told.
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Absolutely! 🙂 … ‘what we are told’, is just the first layer. 🙂
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Usually the headache I had will get better if I cry in that situation, though I have gotten a headache from sinus pressure after crying. So glad you feel a sense of home on the horizon. The place I live in now is the first time I have felt a sense of coming home, and it has a lot to do with the community. I didn’t know I wanted to be part of my community until I got that.
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Yep, it’s definitely the sinus scrinching that does it for me. 🙂 …
Even though we’ve lived here for almost ten years we’ve never really put down roots, so I’m looking forward to having roots in rootlessness, as it were, for a while, until we find that sweet spot we can call home. 😀
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I can’t cry – the aftereffects of the adrenaline knock me out for days. I damp emotions, talk myself out of them (after acknowledging the emotions and what I’m doing to not feel them physically – you can’t deny them), and remember a muted version when I need them for my fiction. Stupid way to deal with them, but the other choice is really bad. Go ahead and have a good cry if you need it and can handle it.
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Yep, ‘the other choice’ isn’t acceptable, is it? 😦
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It’s very hard to avoid sometimes – but I pay for it so much that I’ve gotten wary.
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I usually want to sleep. Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s simply letting go, maybe both, maybe something else, I’m letting the tears fall. I feel stronger inside.
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The do get rid of the dross. 🙂
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I cry all the time, especially when I see how much I have to do at work (I still work at home; have to rein it all in when I go back to the office, lol). But luckily no headaches follow. I hope yours are mild and then you’re refreshed. Good luck on the journey ! ! !
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Heh, me too. 🙂
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I think I’ve been looking for home all my life. Not sure if Warrandyte is my forever home, but I’ve lived here longer than in any other place my entire life. I hope my roots are allowed to stay here.
May you find your home too. -hugs-
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When we do, you’ll be ever welcome to visit. 🙂
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Hugs to you both. 🙂
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I don’t have many epiphs. Lol. But I have, at certain times in my life, experienced a profound sense of going home when arriving at places I’ve never been. I burst into tears the first time I saw the Teton Mountains, for example. I think it’s a past life thing, maybe. It’s a good feeling and one deep in our souls. It’s okay to cry.
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The first time I visited the mountains here I had that ‘feels like home’, feeling. 🙂
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🙂 🙂
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Oh sweetie. I would be whelmed as well, contemplating the big change you’re making. I love your music selection, and think it was perfect for the feeling. 💗💖💗
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I’m listening to it as we speak. 🙂
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💖💗💖 Hugs 💖💗💖
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