It’s Not You, It’s Me

Things have been a bit quiet around here lately.

On the 30th of December, last year, (isn’t it wonderful that 2021 is now ‘last year’?) Β my computer monitor stopped working.

It’s either the monitor, or the adapter. Parts have yet to arrive to tell which is which – stay tuned for the exciting conclusion!

I’ve been barely online using my old faithful hard drive, which thankfully I kept as a back-up, and using it to check my WordPress dashboard once a day.

So yeah, it’s not you, it’s me.

Also, at the end of they year I had a bit of a meltdown.

I was dealing with the multiple environmental disasters fairly well, I thought. But it seemed like I never had enough time to catch my breath at the end of one before the next one struck.

We live in an old house, and stuff keeps on breaking down. Stuff broke down, in the middle of an arctic outflow, with daytime temperatures in the double digits below freezing. (we now have our very own electrician on speed-dial)

Some health stuff happened too. The concussion … aren’t they fun? .. I didn’t have time to catch my breath there either.

… and then … and then … you get the picture.

I kept saying I wanted a break, for the world to stop for a while. You know that feeling, where you just want to get off for a while?

I cried a lot. A lot … and then my monitor stopped working. It wasn’t the break I wanted but it was the break I got.

Yeah, not you, me.

I sleep late, and go through my day slowly, sometimes staring out the window at the snow, watching the raccoon yearlings and their mum bound through it like its their own personal playground, which, of course, it is.

I can feel my energy returning as the days slowly, almost imperceptibly at this time of year, get longer.

2022 is going to be momentous. I’ll be ready.

34 comments on “It’s Not You, It’s Me

  1. I wish I had a little of your conviction, as our year has not begun well. I have been banned from discussing it for fear of making everything worse, so waiting (with bated breath) to see what happens next…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ian Hutson says:

    Einstein thought that the Universe was a friendly body, I am not so convinced, especially not after these past years.

    Like

  3. I’m pleased you have recovered enough to write this X

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think we’ve all had times where the veritable tsunami of impacts from the bad news: climate disasters and extremes, politics, general global suffering. Add a few of your own highlights – the concussion, house woes, equipment failures – be gentle with yourself, Widdershins.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Aaargh! It has to get better!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Widdershins says:

      It will! … it did, it has. πŸ™‚ … It’s the sort of thing, (the meltdown, that is) one has to let oneself fall completely into to emerge intact at the other end. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Life can be hard sometimes, but for me, it’s nice to write on here when I get the chance. Like you say, things get in the way, but here’s to a productive and enjoyable 2022. All the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. you’ve been overwhelmed by the sounds of it. I always go into Nature when I feel that way to recharge my batteries. Slow and steady wins the race.
    Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. quiall says:

    And you are not alone! We may not be able to give you a hug but we can think it and send it through the ether. It’s not a whole lot of bloody good but we mean well. And tears are restorative, I truly believe that. At least that’s what I tell myself when I’m snorting and blubbering my way through the day. I think I’m just purging the excess fluids in my body. Oh my God I’m pissing through my eyes! One day at a time my friend, repeat, repeat, repeat.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Widdershins says:

      Etheric hugs are always most welcome indeed. πŸ™‚ … I’m a fairly crying sort of lass anyway, but at the moment anything can, and does, set me off. It’s just as well I have a good supply of decent-sized hankies! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Ellen Hawley says:

    Sending my best. It’s not worth much, but it’s all I can find at the moment.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. cagedunn says:

    The universe sent you a message to take a break, to rest up and recuperate, take a breath. Bugger the monitor, at least for a little while. Close those peepers, sleep a little, eat late, enjoy the colour of clean white lines of a snow-filled horizon.
    We’ll see you on the other side.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Widdershins says:

      I wish the Universe/Herself would stop hitting me over the head though! πŸ™‚
      I’ve discovered depths of exhaustion I never knew were possible. My comfy, cozy bed has become my new best friend. πŸ™‚
      See you then. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  11. bone&silver says:

    Life is relentless sometimes, like an incoming high tide. Just find a safe nook, let go of the internalised capitalist work ethic which stops us from daydreaming & self-nurturing, and just chill out. Watch the racoon. Meditate. Do the crossword. Relax. A daily walk is good though, weather-permitting. But yes: feel the feelings! The global state of Now really SUCKS, and who knows what will happen next… be rested and ready ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Widdershins says:

      Relentless – that’s such a good descriptor! πŸ™‚ … thanks for your great words. πŸ™‚
      I’ve found it an interesting exercise reflecting on the whole process – the only time I’ve ever crashed and burned like that in the past is at the end of a relationship … which it is, isn’t it? The end of the life we thought we would have when we were younger, and having to switch gears into an almost frontierswoman mentality.
      The irony/humour of the fact that we’re going to be hitching up ‘Bessie’ to our travel trailer this year and head off into the ‘wilderness’ for Goddess-knows what sorts of adventures isn’t lost on me. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Kate Duff says:

    Happy new year Widds I hope it is indeed wonderful for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Widdershins says:

      Thanks, Kate.
      Had my third booster vaccine shot this afternoon … I’m ready for anything!!! … (she said as she crossed her fingers that she wouldn’t have a reaction like she did last time! πŸ™‚ )

      Liked by 1 person

  13. TanGental says:

    There are those days when you watch the cat lay a small, submarine shaped turd in its litter tray, cover it carefully and then follow up by walking in your porridge (because she’s 23 and laying a turd in the litter tray is a result). It’s then you find taking stock so important (as is having an emergency bag of granola). May you always find your future paths strewn with granola and kitty crap where it should be. Take care, open the door marked 2022 carefully and SWITCH ON THE LIGHT before you enter. Much loves…

    Liked by 2 people

  14. acflory says:

    So sorry you’ve had such a bad trot, but things will get better. -hugs-

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m glad things have slowed down and quieted. We really need that to stay healthy and sane. The key is slowing down before we’re in tears… not always possible, but a good goal. Here’s to a very slow, quiet, peaceful 2022!

    Liked by 1 person

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