The Terrifying Art Of Becoming

Freek Week downgraded itself to mere Freek Hours, thence to Freek Minutes. These minutes are, however, just as overwhelming as the hours and weeks. The only good thing about them is that it takes less time to overcome them but their ability to come seemingly out of nowhere, is disconcerting, to say the least.

Today’s Freek Minute comes to us directly from the Storage Locker …

Empty ... un-full-filled

Empty … un-full-filled

I know what I have become living here on our island in the middle of a lake. I have become a cancer survivor, a self-published author, (Prelude – which I am inordinately proud of) … I have become too overweight, too sedentary … I have become older, by eight years, and wiser, I hope … a survivor of 2020 … I am closer to my physical death than my birth, and I am far too fond of my habits.

… but what will I become if I stay here? The answer to that lies in a deep level of self honesty … which says I will become invisible, even to myself, with the passing of days … I will eventually disappear into the illusion of safety and security, the comfort of familiarity and routines, and a spirit-death of a thousand fear-filled thoughts.

What will I become, though, when I leave?

-oOo-

We have a leave date, the 31st May, and we have started to fill our storage unit with ‘stuff’.

Other ‘stuff’ is bound for the thrift store. Boxes, half-filled with ‘stuff’ are littered throughout the house, and we wonder, every day, how we managed to not only accumulate so much ‘stuff’, but how we’ve lived with it for this long.

The answer to that last bit is, of course, we’ve been gathering ‘stuff’ for this very outcome.

Think about it for a minute. Think about where and how you’re living right now. I know that for most of you, your life is set. There are routines you follow. The future, although as yet unwritten, is fairly well defined.

I know my life was.

This adventure of ours feels very much like we’re throwing all that out the window.

Imagine leaving all your familiarities behind, taking with you only what you can carry. What goes with you? What stays?

Mrs Widds’ grandmother came west, through the Canadian prairies, in a covered wagon. Everything she knew, everything she owned, was within that wagon. The rest, was, perhaps a few lines drawn on an old map that led to the hope of a new life.

In my more sleep-deprived moments, because some nights sleep is hard to come by when lists loom so large, I feel as though that’s what we’re doing too.

-oOo-

So, what will I become?

We shall see.

26 comments on “The Terrifying Art Of Becoming

  1. We will enjoy going along with you. Congratulations on the book

    Liked by 1 person

    • Widdershins says:

      We’re having a bit of a slowdown day today. It’s raining, as usual, (I sure won’t miss that! 🙂 ) and the mist is rising off the lake and the Winter Tree, or Spring Tree now, is covered in droplets. This bit of land has been good to us. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. tidalscribe says:

    It’s exciting and your sort out is just a larger scale version of what we have all been doing in lockdown. Only those who inherit an ancestral home keep everything in the attic forever. Anyone who has moved around will have long forgotten many of the things they discarded along the way.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. quiall says:

    You will have an awakening! Your horizon will broaden and you will see forever. And I will follow you with unbridled anticipation. I envy you.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. You will do whatever you need to do, and come through it with flying colors 😊❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are leaving the island – for good?

    Wow.

    We did that, gave away most of our stuff, moved to a retirement community apartment – and still have too much stuff. Don’t miss what we gave away – hope at least some of it is making someone else happier.

    Bon voyage – will look forward to hearing about it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Olga Godim says:

    Change is always scary. Moving house is hard – but cheer up. Some had it harder. Have you tried immigration? In comparison, moving house is an exciting adventure.
    Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Widdershins says:

      Thanks 😀
      Immigrate? Been there, done that, OZ to Canada, and with only two suitcases! 😀 … it’s more like we’re ending house, rather than moving house, which is a rather peculiar mindset to be wandering around in at the moment. 🙂

      Like

      • Olga Godim says:

        Yeah, I know. We both went through immigration once upon a time. And survived. But now, even the idea of packing and moving makes me upset. Maybe because I’m much older. I truly sympathize.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. selizabryangmailcom says:

    Maybe definitely better that we don’t know beforehand.
    Otherwise would we ever leave to begin with?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. bone&silver says:

    That’s a big change… I’d be freaking out a bit every now and again, so I think you’re very normal ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  9. acflory says:

    I think you’re both ready for this change, and once you actually ‘hit the road’ everything will fall into place. Just take one day at a time. -hugs-

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Eliza Waters says:

    Big doings! Brave of you to uproot.
    I’ve been here far too long and am slowly coming to grips with all our ‘stuff.’ Letting go isn’t always easy, but it seems to get easier as I go along. We really aren’t defined by our stuff, but it sure feels that way sometimes!

    Liked by 1 person

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