I came across a survey question today … and was asked if I’d purchased a (brand name removed to protect the innocent from the asinine) Facebook connect toothbrush recently. I did an internet search. This, apparently, is a real thing.
I, of course replied in the negative. Only losers connect their toothbrushes to Facebook these days. The absolute latest thing is used Q-tip Facebook/Twitter/Instargam connectivity.
I can track the quality and quantity of my earwax, (and get custom designed ‘tips-n-trix’™ to help me control any unusually heavy flow) I can compare it to my social media friends earwax, have recommendations for earwax conditioners relayed directly to my Q-tips, as I’m using them via their bluetooth connectivity, and receive celebrity endorsements of the latest earwax technology right in my ears, all at no extra cost when I signed up for the ‘special, one-time-only, exclusive offer.
And I can rest easy, sure in the knowledge that my earwax, and indeed the entire Q-tip, is used in land reclamation projects in the South Seas to offset the effects of climate change.
I feel so good that my ethical everyday choices are making a difference in the world.
Note: No earwax was hurt during the making of this post. The Q-tips … fulfilled their destiny.