(Looks like I’m in a TV frame of mind at the moment)
If you don’t want to know what happened in final season of Warehouse 13 because you haven’t watched it yet, turn away now.
Stick your fingers in your ears and go, “la, la, la, la,” all the way out of the room.
No peeking through the keyhole.
Right. Now it’s just us.
What this post’s title really is: ‘Warehouse 13 – not-so-Grande Finale.’ I wish the person calling the shots this season had been … braver.
There was this:
Deep down I never really expected the show to deliver on any kind of happy ending for Myka and Helena, that was too much to ask for, and we’ve had our hearts broken too many times, but what they did to Myka and Pete, well, it was worse than the nothingness of Myka and Helena G. Wells.
Throughout the previous four seasons there was never any romance between Myka and Pete until the ham-fisted way it was inserted into the truncated nonsense laughingly called Season 5. Up until then they’d only had a buddy or sister/brother relationship. They loved each other, sure, but in love?
In my minds eye, after they kissed they both paused while we, the audience, held our collective breath, then they wiped their mouths with the backs of their hands, said, “Nope,” and scuttled off in different directions, never to mention it again. That would’ve been true to the characters that’d evolved over the preceding four seasons, and true to the overall whimsical humor of the show.
Characters reflecting on their story arcs throughout the life of the show is a tried and true method of ending a show, and this was no exception. At least we didn’t have to sit through ‘re-runs’ of episodes we’d already seen.
Artie has an all-growed-up son. (let’s introduce that little gem in the final episode) Artie also has a wonderful melt-down about how he has devoted the last 40 years of his life to the Warehouse, and what does he get in return? Bupkis! The Warehouse goes all ‘aww, shucks’ and sheepishly rolls an apple toward him. All is forgiven.
Steve found his nirvana inside Artie’s heart, literally. Which was another of those ‘Really? How nice for you. Next.’ moments that needed a whole episode devoted to it. At least we got another glimpse of HG
And then there was this:
The way the ‘where’s HG?’ question was dealt with.
Do you remember a show called ‘L.A. Law’? It was all the rage way back last century. They got very daring one season and had a lesbian/bisexual character by the name of CJ, I think it was. Well, CJ and one of the main cast shared a kiss. As you can imagine it was rather controversial. (And marked the beginning of the ‘lesbian kiss’ trope for episodes of shows that aired during what’s known as ‘sweeps’ periods to boost ratings and increase advertising revenue)
A season later, someone mentions that CJ, a high powered lawyer in a high powered prestigious law firm, chose to leave the firm to join the women’s professional GOLF CIRCUIT!!!!! … End. Of. Story.
I’m not knocking professional sportswomen. This was lazy (and insulting, and disrespectful) writing – a horse of a completely different kettle of fish.
Disbelief circled the globe at the speed of analogue telephones and printing presses (this was before the interwebs) that such a powerful storyline had been tossed out with the garbage. However it was 1991.
Anyway … Back to HG. When asked about HG, Myka casually mentions that she’s not with that bloke anymore and is seeing someone named Giselle. End. Of. Story. Pete makes the expected squicky comment, then it’s on with the retrospectives.
I watched in disbelief, transported over 20 years back in time. H.G. and Myka deserved better than that.
And there’s a dollop of ludicrous:
What the hell was up with Pete’s hair?
Claudia – showgirl and leather mistress all in one episode! How cool is that? (one day, in another universe, Claudia shall have a show all of her very own)
No-one made Myka light up like HG, no-one – and that’s canon!